hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
