the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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