i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
