she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize