new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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