my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
