Got a toothbrush?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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