Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
