Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
