I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
