Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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