Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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