don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
