yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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