Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
