I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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