whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
