This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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