he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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