The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
