Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Even the bartender felt bad for me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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