I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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