Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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