You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
