I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
