i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
one two three fourrrrnication!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Someone signed my nipple.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
