When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
