I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
