I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
