the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
