I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
