careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
