I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
