i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize