Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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