i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
