There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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