why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
