it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
