i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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