is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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