Im at strip club and am horny
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
