My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
