I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
