Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
