Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
