She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
