i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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