She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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