so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
