Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize