dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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