Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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