I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
