How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
