My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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