I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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