If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
