giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize