take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
