He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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