Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
