Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
