How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
