First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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