I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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