So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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