It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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