I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
