saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
