He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
